Unbreakable Stride

Film Transcript

It really wasn't a thing until this year and it just sort of happened. People say, "Oh, but look, you know, you talk so well. You go out, you do this." I said, "Yeah, but when I get home, I'm just..." During the day I'm fine. I get home and poor mum would put up with it. I'd be snappy. I'd be like... It's called "I still mask." I've never felt like I belong. I've never liked myself.

The first day going into a new school, when I heard all the whisperers asking, "Is that a boy or a girl?" I found schooling hard due to my learning difficulties and dyslexia, and just having the autism and ADHD that wasn't recognised or diagnosed or thought of. I got through primary school, but when it came to high school, I found that even more difficult.

So I would use food to get through. I'd think, "Okay, there's one more lesson to go until recess and then I can buy a hot dog and a donut and feel better for a little bit." That made me gain weight and then feel even more uncomfortable.

One of the boys broke up with one of my mates and asked me out. This was on graduation, year seven. We went to the pub for a snitle. His cousin came up to me and said, "Oh, he's changed his mind because the ex looks prettier tonight, so he's going to go out with her again."

Mum just said as we're crossing the road, "Have you thought about maybe?" And then I was like, "Okay." She regrets that. She thinks sometimes that that's kicked off the whole thing.

I got a lot of compliments, which I thought, "Oh, I'm a better person now. I am accepted 'cause I look better." But then it was just the fact that I would get through a day thinking, "Ah, did a whole another day without eating — well done." I went into mum's bedroom at like 2:00 in the morning and said, "I need to get out of here." She said, "What do you — what do you mean?" I said, "I don't know but I just need to get out. Something doesn't feel right."

We drove to the Gold Coast. I had a friend that was living up there and I just said, "Hey..." and she said, "Oh, I'll take you out for a drink." We went to a gay bar and I was a bit not really sure about lesbians, but I'll go and then bam. So I dealt with that. That was a few long days of crying.

I guess that feeling I had, like the apple, was so overwhelming and I had no way of taking that away by fixing it. My only choice was to just not be here. But from those stages, I have had to learn to walk and talk and eat again.

And now I can't play sport due to a car accident with a leg full of pins and plates. I miss sport now that I can't do it due to what I've done to my body through abusing it through the anorexia. My kidneys failed, so then I was on dialysis for two years, which was absolute hell. I was just a shell of myself. I was miserable. I had the transplant in '22 and that's helped a lot. I put on about 20 kilos since the transplant.

It's a journey. When you've just been diagnosed your whole life, it kind of makes sense, but also you're like, "That's not fair that I've struggled through everything and anything." You feel like you've sort of lost your whole life, too.

These guys, they're amazing. You know, she got told she was too big. The whole point of this whole thing is it doesn't matter what you are. Just show them who you are. To me, she sounded really confident and I loved that she was just very raw. I want people to hear that.

I can put on a show and sometimes be confident, but I second-guessed myself. I've always felt like I was a burden to my family mainly and then to a friend in any friendship group or to the boss at my work 'cause I was just never easy. Many other neurodivergent people could be inspired by her. I wish I had someone like me when I was younger. So if I can do that for others then why not?

It's good. I'm not leaving because I'm being rude. No, but that's what you got. And even neurotypical people still get burnt out. It's good maybe to see through us that you're allowed to do that too. It's what you need. Doesn't matter what you're diagnosed with.

Unbreakable Stride

About this Short Film

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Unbreakable Stride

About this Short Film

Film Details

Film Transcript

Filmmaker

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